The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster. As I mentioned in the last few editions, I was offered a job in San Francisco. The problem—we loved everything about the place we have called home and nothing we saw in San Francisco looked like or felt like home.
After getting the offer, we spent a weekend there looking for a place to live—with no success. I pushed back my start date, we moved out of our apartment, and drove down to San Francisco. We stayed in Airbnbs, looked at hundreds of rental listings online, visited some in-person, and drove and walked through neighborhoods. We gave up, restarted, gave up again, then finally found something.
During the past few weeks, I have felt ungrounded, lost. This in-between is the definition of liminality. I know liminality well. I generally thrive in it, but this feels different. I love treading the line between topics, feelings, and moments. But I usually have something grounding to hold onto. At times, I am grounded by places we frequent, things to do, or home. The problem this time is, I don't have any of that.
You would think I would be ok in this moment. Over the last 5 years, we moved across the country, lived in three states, and were nomadic for 5 months. But this is different. Before last year, I had never lived someplace that felt like home.
When coming back from our nomadic adventure in 2024, we settled down in a quiet neighborhood in Portland, not too far from where we lived before going nomadic. This place instantly felt like home. It was a combination of the townhouse, the neighborhood, the weather, and the vibe. Portland has a stress-free, quiet ethos that is just in the air. Or maybe that's just the weed from a neighbor. Either way, home. But there was something missing—people.
I talked about the need for connection and how an office job can help with this. After a lifetime in the liminal, I think I have finally defined the ideal foundation for me to feel grounded. It's a trifecta—people, home, and career.
I have been happily married for 11 years, so I've had that person for a long time, but friends were missing. My goal is to be open to friendship at work and potentially a team sport. This should build the first of the trifecta.
While the place we are settling is not our first choice, we know what we want now. I could not say that 2 years ago. We might find it here in the Bay Area or maybe someplace else in a few years, that's TBD. For this part of the trifecta, knowing what we want is harder than finding it.
Lastly, I have been treading the anti-career line for a while. I am done fighting it. Not only is it good for me to find my people, but it will also set up my future for a success that is predictable and stable. I welcome both of those attributes with open arms.
While I am feeling the least grounded I have felt in years, I have all the pieces, I just need to find where they connect. I have another month before I start my new role, so there is some time before this rollercoaster ride will end, but this time is needed. I need to make my new home feel like home, get to know the Bay Area more intimately, connect with people, and relax.
If you feel lost and in an endlessly-liminal space, try to find what grounds you. It took me 38 years and a lot of introspection to figure out what I need; I hope you find it in due time.