We Don't Know How to Relax

It's become uncomfortable to be unproductive and present

It's 5 pm on a Friday night, you've just signed off of Slack and started the walk from your home office to your kitchen or from your office to your car. You make and eat some dinner with your family and trade a few stories from your day. You are excited, your work week is over, now it's time for you. So, you clean up and kiss your family members and go right back to your home office. You sit down with a smile and start on your side hustle, your passion project. This is your way of relaxing, the normal way a person in tech relaxes, by doing more work, but for yourself.

Last week, I talked all about dropping hustles, so I am not going into that again. This week I want to talk about relaxing. The story above might not be everyone's reality, but for a lot of people it is. You might not be side hustling, you might be learning something related to your craft. I did say that you should find it. But when I said that I didn't mean at all costs.

Since knowledge work, and more recently remote work, we have forgotten how to relax. I know, because I have too. Whenever I am sitting on my couch on a Saturday morning I am itching to grab my laptop and be "productive." I shouldn't be reading a book, playing a video game, or watching a movie. I should be getting the most out of my time, this time is for me, for my passions. And in 2025 your passions need to be productive, right? While relaxing does seem like a waste of time, it is actually a productivity multiplier. Especially for knowledge workers.

Why you should relax

Relaxing is a simple concept—doing something unproductive to recharge. To be clear, sleeping is not relaxing. While sleep does recharge you, it primarily recharges your CNS (Central Nervous System). While that is important, it is different than taking a long walk—with nothing but your thoughts, or reading a book under a tree—listening to the wind. To be crystal clear, relaxing is being unproductive and present.

The process of relaxing for long or short periods of time will clear up your mind. It's just like taking a shower or doing the dishes and all the ideas come flooding in. That is because your mind is in a relaxed state. It allows your mind to wander and be creative. Knowledge work tends to focus the mind, putting on blinders to other possibilities. It also provides the decompression we all need. Relaxation should feel like a vinyasa in yoga—it resets your practice, getting you ready for another flow. True relaxation can be hard, but when you feel it, it will feel like weights being taken out of your shoes.

How to really relax

Not all of us have a dozen side hustles pulling us. So for those people, relaxing should be easy. Then why are you on your phone while watching TV? Why are you itching to leave the calm coffee shop as soon as your last drop is drunk? Why does roaming a bookstore feel like a waste of time? Because you also do not know how to relax. That's ok, it's a skill we all need to relearn.

Approach it like forming any habit. Do a little at a time for about a month, then increase. Start with 10-20 minutes, whichever feels more doable. Don't touch your phone for 10 minutes, while watching TV. Stay 10 extra minutes in the coffee shop. Go into the bookstore and wander for 10 minutes. If all is going well, you might continue longer—that's great! If not, stop. Retry tomorrow, then the next day, and the day after that. Repeat this for 30 days. When 10-20 minutes feels good, do more, or try to relax in a more difficult situation.

If you work from home and have an office, close the door when you are not in it. The simple barrier makes a huge difference. That is why it is harder than ever to relax, there are no boundaries. It's so much easier to grab your dopamine rectangle, rather than engage with your surroundings. Additionally, keep something to jot down thoughts and ideas. When you are truly relaxed they are going to flood in.

Your lack of relaxation is not all your fault. Society has created norms and technology that are directly opposed to it. While relaxation is a key to being healthy, it also dramatically increases productivity. Together, let's relearn how to relax. Remember, relaxing is being unproductive and present. So put down your phone, close the office door, and do one thing that requires presence.