It’s Twelve Months Since I Quit My Day Job

Here’s a story of the good, the bad and the unexpected

This is a guest post by Cali Bird, writer of Gentle Creative, here on Substack. This is her take on my previous letter – “What Happens When You Finally Quit Your Job?”. 

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Even prior to the pandemic I had a feeling of burnt-out and overwhelm. I worked as a software consultant and I was about to publish my first novel. 

I agonized about whether to ask for a leave of absence from my job so that I could fully concentrate on launching my book. I went for it and my wish was granted. 

Then the pandemic landed and suddenly it didn’t feel like a smart move on the job security front to take that extended leave. I kept on working and launched the book anyway. 

My Dad died in May 2020, my Mum had major cancer preventative surgery and a few months later, my husband had a health crisis. 

The feeling of burn-out never left. It intensified. I frequently found myself marshalling all my mental faculties just to get through a single day. 

After months of being one step above exhaustion, in December 2020, the inevitable happened: everything came to a screeching halt. I literally rocked in front of my computer, no longer able to push information into my brain nor draw anything of value out of it.

It was game over.

But in that moment of pain was also a profound moment of clarity. I absolutely had to have a proper break from my job and let my mental health fully recover. It was time to quit.

In a tearful conversation with my manager, we agreed that I would take a break until after Christmas and then return for a three-month notice period. 

It was important to me to be able to finish my job well, tie up all loose ends and leave the possibility of the door open in case I wanted to return.

It was scary to make this decision but I knew in my gut that I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t penniless. I had another income stream and a husband who worked. I might be screwing up our retirement provision in the long run, but in the shorter term, we had enough money.

I finished on Wednesday 31st March, 2021. Twelve months ago.

The good stuff

It was lovely to let go of the stress of work. In those last few months, I had stopped writing because I just didn’t have spare brain juice. Completing the day job to the best of my ability had been my sole focus. Now I was able to pick up the edits on my second novel.

My sleep also regulated. Pre-pandemic I used to commute into London a couple of days a week which meant getting up before six o’clock. On my work-at-home days I got up by six-thirty so that I could write for an hour or so before starting work. At the weekends I used to lie in, which didn’t do my body clock any favours. Add to that the challenges of being a peri-menopausal woman, my sleep was a disaster. I was always exhausted.

Once I didn’t have to get up early, I was able to go to a more natural body clock of going to bed around eleven-thirty and getting up between seven-thirty and eight. Since the beginning of this year, I have brought that forward by an hour so that I’m now in bed by eleven and I wake up, without setting an alarm, around six-thirty.

It has been fantastic to have the mental headspace to improve my diet and lose my lockdown belly! I enjoyed having time to try out new recipes and learnt how to make dishes such as sauerkraut from scratch.

I have also enjoyed reading non-fiction books and have read several about productivity, mental health and managing energy levels.

The unexpected

I hadn’t realised until I finished work just how tired and burned-out I was. Initially I thought I’d be able to do research for a new writing project and then get busy making it happen. Two days into that regime I realised that it just wasn’t going to work and that I needed a lot more time to let myself heal.

Instead, I just plodded on with my novel edits. I wrote for around two hours a day and slowly worked my way through it. For months, that was the only writing I did. I didn’t post on social media and I didn’t do any blogging.

I reluctantly accepted my slow pace and then started to enjoy it.

I also had grand plans for various domestic projects and had a long list of jobs that needed doing in our home. After six months I had only completed half of that list. I got COVID-19 at the end of my fifth month off and that was followed by three months of post-viral fatigue. Thankfully my energy levels have now returned but I still haven’t done anything else on that list.

The bad

One of the downsides of not working is that your world shrinks. Even working remotely I’d speak to several of my colleagues every day. I noticed about four months after finishing work that my world was much smaller. This was compounded by COVID and the fatigue that followed to a point where my world felt very small and limited.

At that time my confidence also took a nose dive. My other income stream suffered some serious expenses and I was very aware that I was no longer bringing in any money. For two months I regularly woke up feeling wretched but also too scared to take any action to remedy the situation. 

I felt useless, that I would never be able to work again and that I had ruined our finances. I wasn’t keen to return to software development but I did want to earn some money in the future.

Towards the end of last year, as the Omicron variant took hold, the UK government ramped up the booster program. I decided to volunteer as a steward at the local vaccination centre. Although this contributed to the national effort to control the virus, my primary motivation was to help myself, get back out into the world and build my confidence.

Around the same time, I also started the research project that I had postponed earlier in my time off and this, thankfully, gave me some ideas that I could write about.

Where I’m at now

After giving myself all those months to rest, I have now ramped up my efforts. I started a Substack newsletter at the beginning of the year called Gentle Creative. I write gentle, encouraging advice about getting going with your writing project alongside your other responsibilities. It includes practical information on finding time to write as well as how to deal with those inner gremlins. 

I will add a paid subscription level in the next few weeks which will then become another income stream. I’m also about to start working a couple of shifts a week in a local coffee shop. While this won’t bring in huge amounts of money, it will get me back out in the world but without taking too much energy from my brain. I am very careful to protect my mental and physical health.

My plans don’t stack up that well from a long-term financial point of view but they are okay for now. If I need a serious cash injection, I am always open to returning to software development.

I still experience some anxiety about my choices but when I journal, my gut tells me that this is the right path at this time. My motto for this year seems to be “try it and see what happens”.

Things to think about before you decide to quit your job

Like me, you will probably over estimate what you can get done on other projects.

In terms of writing, I’ve had a consistent and disciplined routine for years so I already knew how to sit down and write. If there’s a project you’ve always dreamt of, but you’ve never done anything towards it, you might not fare so well with oodles of empty time. Develop habits and routines now so that you’re in an even better position if you do quit.

Don’t burn your bridges. When I left my job, I was very careful to finish everything as best as I could so that I was leaving the door open for a possible return.

What other income streams can you develop now so that you have some financial cushioning when you are no longer in your job?

Although we like to blame our job for all that is wrong in our life, when I quit, I discovered that I could no longer cite lack of time as the reason for all the things I still didn’t get around to doing!

I have no regrets about leaving my job but the last twelve months haven’t been an easy ride. My confidence and belief in myself have been severely tested. Thankfully, I now feel ready to take on new challenges but there are no guarantees that these plans will turn out as I intend. I’m still figuring out how to bring in sufficient money while honouring my creative side and not burning out again. 

Life is one hell of a ride!

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Check out Cali’s Gentle Creative newsletter at the link below!

Are you squeezing your creative work around your job and other responsibilities? Do you wonder whether it is all worthwhile? Then you need to read my stuff and subscribe now. Your writing definitely matters.

I am the author of an award-nominated romantic comedy novel called Tales of the Countess. It features handbags that talk. Think Sex and the City meets Toy Story!

- Cali