Back in Office
and finally back to writing
I write this edition, ashamed. Not because you have not read my words for four months, but because I have not written them. Most probably didn’t even notice. That’s ok. I don’t write for others, I write for myself, and that’s why I feel this shame.
For most of my life, my writing has been the place I’ve felt the most myself. From a very early age, I wrote poetry, short stories, and journaled—a lot. I rarely shared this with anyone growing up, due to fear of judgment. I was featured in print at some point in the 90s for a somewhat dark poem, but never more than that.
This was all pre-internet sharing. Yes, the web existed, but blogs and newsletters were rare. So most of this writing happened by hand in composition books. As the years passed and I aged, my writing slowed. I eventually realized I was dyslexic, which reduced my confidence in writing. I also entered the workforce, which didn’t exercise that creative muscle.
At some point, roughly 15 years ago, I did get back into it. But after being in the tech space for so long, I focused that writing around tech. I had a blog that focused on tech reviews. Yes, I was one of those. I was given tech, usually for free, and I wrote and made videos about them. Please don’t hunt down the videos; you might stumble on one and lose all faith in me. Ok, they weren’t bad, but still—save me the embarrassment.
I started this letter in May 2020. The intention was to write something different. Something not about tech, but then it morphed into something adjacent to it. Sure, I showed personality and the occasional wit, but there was still something missing. I was holding back a piece of myself. Why? Well, that’s a letter all of its own.
So, why am I telling you this? Because even though I have not written about exactly what I have wanted to, I have written hundreds of letters for this newsletter, and proudly so. As of typing this, this is the longest project I have ever worked on. And for the last four months I have abandoned it. This is why I feel shame.
But in addition to that, being away from my writing, I have also realized that I cannot keep holding myself back. I want to get back to writing the stories in my mind and share them. Well, most of them.
My concern is that I don’t think this newsletter is the best venue for it. I plan on sharing real, honest, vulnerable work. Some of which is narrative, with happy endings. Some of which is poetry, dark and raw. Is this letter best for that? You subscribed to this letter because I have been writing about the relationship we have with tech and how it affects humanity. Do you really want to see into my mind? Are you here for stories and emotion or more tactical thinking and learning?
So, why have I been MIA for the last four months? I haven’t only been thinking about this need to write something different. I have also been a bit overwhelmed. As I have mentioned in the last few letters, I started a new job, a 9 to 5. Prior to this, I worked for myself for 5 years—consulting to various degrees.
It’s been a transition. Is the work hard or grueling? No. Is it so different from the work I was doing as a consultant? Not at all. It’s basically exactly the same. What has been hard is working for and with other people, and that it’s mostly in person, and that it’s in a new place. It’s a collision of circumstance that I was not mentally or physically ready for.
By the time I was done with work for the day or week, I was drained. So, I zoned out, played video games, and vegged on the couch—watching too many hours of TV. The last thing I wanted to do was write about the relationship between humanity and tech when I live it all day long.
Slowly, as the malaise faded, I did start to write—mostly in my journal. It came out in the darkest of forms, angry and sad poetry. While this could have been seen as negative, I eventually saw it as a realization. I need to write. I don’t want to, I need to. There is a calling in me to do so. Innately, it is part of me. While I have been writing this letter for almost six years, I have been holding myself back.
I do not only want to write about the gray area of humanity and tech. While that relationship has never been more important to talk about, and I will continue to do so, there are other things I want to write. I have been woken from deep sleep with ideas and feelings that need to be written. That I need to finally share.
To be clear, I like my job. I am really good at it and have been making huge changes at Notion. I plan on doing that for the foreseeable future.
So from this moment on, I promise myself that I will be vulnerable with my writing, holding nothing back. Sharing the full spectrum of my ideas and feelings. But all of that writing will not be written here.
This space will continue to be the gray area of humanity and technology. I will share my learnings of using tech at breakneck speed. Using AI to augment my skills in ways computers of the past have not been able to for my entire professional journey.
So where can you find this new writing? I have started a new newsletter called The Parentheticals. It is the polar opposite to this letter. So, to give you a taste of what’s to come, check out the first edition below.
If that wasn’t too much for you, or maybe you actually enjoyed it a bit, I would appreciate you subscribing. If not you, maybe you know someone that would like it. Either way, no pressure. I’ll give you other chances to subscribe in the future...
Next edition will be back to the regularly scheduled writing and the regularly scheduled cadence. Expect some more thoughts on AI and some ideas of how you can step away from your glowing rectangles—coming your way soon. Like I said earlier, our relationship with tech has never been as important as it is right now, and how we tread these waters is essential to growing with it, without getting consumed or lost in its wake.